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紅塵白塵紅和白都是喧囂,我只想安靜地坐著
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August 19 做家務 借朋友宿舍住好一個月,沒什麼正經打掃過.今天”閑”著,擦了一遍地板.
想起女權主義在一個多世紀中爭取的所謂公平地位.其中,對於中國婦女而言,走出家庭曾經成為一項重要的標誌.然而,想對於受了數千年”壓迫”的歷史,總明的女人僅僅在半個世紀的主權游戲中就體會到了,原來她們爭來那半天可能不過是在風雨飄搖中的責任承擔而已--男權主義只不過是男人去將這部分給擔下來,且一擔就過千年.于是,許多有知識有文化的女性迅速重歸家庭主婦的理想原型.當然,這一場女權運動在少數的一些角度上還是真的勝利了.她們重歸家庭主婦的位置時,真的完全控制了家庭.在這些角度上,男人就只剩下內外的兩重傜役了.那麼,男人在那時候還能做什麼.他們或者可以換種思維,連那半邊天也全部拱手讓給女人好了.然後,世界上出現了一個真正完成的名詞--家庭主男.這樣,或者是千年之後,新的平衡社會.
其實做家務一點也不難過.想一想,那是你的家,每次清潔完成,你第一個享受,而稍後與你分享的,是你的愛人.
我很少做家務.很少以家務為樂.或者,家,一直離我的生命很遠.我如同寄客,隨處借宿. August 18 劉翔退賽 說動群嘴.lp都嚷著讓人發表意見.
這個時候,發表意見和劉翔基本無關,和事實也基本無關.誰發表意見,大都是自述心態.
一個極度可能的事實:劉翔要上去跑,就是個輸.現在一切基於這個假想作前提來分析.于是,問題就變成劉翔要不要上跑道去在全世界面前輸這一場.
贊成者,理由大致不出責任感和義務,認為他背負了太多期望和支持,總要show一show.本來,若就純粹的體育精神而言,劉翔大可以上去散幾步.但我們不得不承認,重在參與的體育精神可不是今日人心所向的主流.誰不知道,全國人民不是要劉翔跑,而是要他跑冠軍.那麼,既然反正是輸,何必要輸在面上.要看壯士引刀向死笑麼?顯然這並不是我們原來的訴求.我們只要他贏.
如果,這樣成立.那麼,不跑就有著許多好處了.不跑,就是沒有正式的輸,他只是沒跑.這在廣告價值上差別可大了.雖然在有識之士的眼目中,不跑就等於認輸,且性質或更惡劣,但是,有識之士畢竟是少數民族,他們不是可口可樂和摩托羅拉的主要傾銷對象.反之,”垃圾食品”叫了那麼多年,麥當勞照樣紅火.由此可知,平頭百姓們的平均思想素質其實並不高,只要不讓他們眼勾勾地看著你輸了,許多人都會認為他沒有輸的.跑了,輸定;不跑,不定;而且新聞忖測愈多,在混亂中一但擺平,一點形象都不損.更何況,本來人家可能真的傷了.
如果真是那樣的話,除了安慰的話,全tmd給我閉嘴了.你們還有人性麼?(看,這效應不是來了嗎?) August 17 Y O U (oo)~ Y O U (pig)
韓國人的design.掛在手機上,吊兒郎當地過了幾天.那種不安定的擺動,稀松的結構.今天半不小心地一拉.
剩下 Y O.第一念頭是修補.再一想,丟了.Y O,還能掛多久. 流金歲月去 流逝似金年月 如何令往昔留住 金光里 难在雨中重遇 前尘事倍添凌乱 晴阳升上 斜阳归去 无论爱是否有缘 茫然在匆匆中打转 如梦逝去瞬息万变 心一片仍在叹息怀念 仍然望往昔重现 无言的你 无言的我 流逝去是苦与甜 模糊是当天一张脸 变得难辨 只有一片愁凝在脸 斜阳归去 无论爱是否有缘 茫然在匆匆中打转 变得难辨 只有一片愁凝在脸 August 11 緣盡了 s的新家再也不能招待他們當年收留的流浪貓了.我給出的主意,偷偷放進北區吧,看來那裡貓活得還行.
那對惜敗的世界第一女雙,終于走到她們拆伙的一天.雖然曾是無數冠軍,甚至奧運冠軍,但終于不能圓滿句號.她們哭起來,說要人生重頭來.
和t哥說,咬緊牙,忘了我姐,重新開始.
和小m說,沒事,都會過去的.他應該陪你走的,或者就這一段,還想咋樣.
有緣聚,必要散.我們事先不肯想這個,我們努力,以為會更好.或者,我不知道,千生萬世的糾纏,或者,我們有著無窮的未了之緣.但關於今天,緣盡了. August 09 心理素質沒有看中國奧運的開幕式.對外解釋是不喜歡大型的人群活動.心理上,我不喜歡被集體感動.在那種場景中,不由自主地激動,覺得很”憋”.在一場共謀的業力中,個人變得微弱,獨立的我執被挑戰. 心理和身體的關係是那樣緊密.當心臟早搏的攻擊再次光顧時,心理也高舉白旗了.僅僅幾個小時前的我和現在的我,判若兩人.想起李元松.無論他曾如何自以為聖,但他竟然在人生最後一場病痾中反思,猛然止步,盡捨功名,單就這份勇氣,已非俗人了. August 07 一本書 在她的博客裡看到這樣一句設問:“你说有没有哪本书能够让人看到,这个世界就真真切切的是在被希望牵引着的,然后会让人觉得,这个世界其实原本美好。”
我腦子裡像被燈一點就亮一樣地想起一本書.我告訴她,面對這個問題,這幾年裡我只會想到一本書.
入菩薩行論.
我在她的博客上沒直接就打出這書的名字是因為我並無意推荐這本書.因為,連作者本人在世的時候也沒有向他的朋友推荐過這本書.我其實很不習慣向別人推荐什麼,總覺得人心隔肚皮,誰都難會喜歡上同一種東西.我甚至都很少在餐桌上主動點菜.徒勞不對胃口的事.
只記得多年前我曾經做過這樣一件事.我發現我一個朋友,因為一時熾熱的宗教感情,被佛教中某某大法師給”迷”得一顛一顛的.但我個人不能贊同那位大法師對於佛法的解釋.想去勸我的朋友小心一點.朋友充耳不聞.于是我假借在他家的書架放幾本書為名,在他的書架裡有意安插了一些我挑選的”好”書.大約六七年後,他真的從書架上抄起了一本傳紀文集,突然看起了興致,進而又翻閱了其它一兩本理論性較強的著作.有一天,他突然對我說:我這陣子看了你多年前留在我那裡的書,想了想,某某大法師的觀點好像是有點不對呢.
其實,我那時已經忘了我還存著書在他家的事;我已經不再認為,某人的一生中應該怎樣活.
她和姐姐說我賣關子.NND,既然說了就介紹兩句.就按古代印度學者們寫書時常常會先說明該書的”目的關聯”的方式來介紹吧.
”目的關聯”包括四個部分,大致上是:這書有無實質內容,所陳述內容有無正確目標,內容與目標之間是否有可實踐性,最後是解釋前三點之間的關聯.
以入菩薩行論為例:第一,該書是講解現實和解脫之道;第二,其目標意在令讀者能了解如何是求取當下安樂和永遠福祉的方法;第三,這種方法可供操作實踐;第四,以上三點是能順序為因果的.如是者,會喜歡上這本書的人可能是因為好奇心,可能是因為迷信,可能是講不清的直覺感情,然而,我猜想,寂天寫這部書是為了一些關心自己當下安樂和永遠福祉的人而寫的.這樣的人,難見得很.
我喜歡這書的理由是它救過我幾次命.嗯.
August 06 溫柔木訥 在北方的安樂窩裡,不晒太陽,也不用空調,不動火明灶,但三餐足飽.形容松懈,神態溫柔,甚至木訥.
朋友聽到我電話裡的聲音時,忍不住會問,你不高興了麼?身體不舒服麼?我總會遲疑地答道:嗯!嗯,沒有呀,放心.
我現在全面都好著呢.無論體格精神都電力足足的.每隔天和牛人在羽場上搏鬥,寫英文論文,中文論文,看英文書,看英文電視.
據說騙子都會點相.馬路上看見哪個面容恍惚時,他們就上前搭訕行詐.今天碰上一個位,突然迎面來給我打岔.我眼帘一翻,目光精射.那位突然就蔫了,一點戰鬥力都沒有.唉,他是不知道哇.前天我才在皇城角那旮旯裡電死一個排隊打尖的壯漢,還有一位火車站站長.
你個不知死活東西,找電的你!
今天為了躲開長輩的關懷,躲在星巴克裡.第二杯咖啡了.隔桌一堆韓國女孩在鳥語.嘰,嘰嘰,嘰嘰嘰...... August 04 A PhD Proposal A Critical Analysis of the Interpretation of the Relation between Hetu and Dharma in Buddhist Logic
(Proposal)
Lo King Chung
Prerequisite is a major premise or a pervasion proposition of any deductive illation or even analogism. In the west, the major premise in classical logic, which is represented typically by Aristotle’s syllogism, was accused of its invalidity by such skeptics as Pyrrho (BC 365-275) and David Hume (17171-1776). In Buddhist logic, the interpretation and realization of the relation (Sk. Sāmbandha) between the inferring property (Sk. Hetu) and the inferred property (Sk. sādhyadharma) has become one of the keys to confirm the validity of a deductive structure, or more strictly speaking, the validity of Buddhist logic.
In the 5th-6th centuries, the advent of two Buddhist luminaries, Dignāga (480-540) and Dharmakīrti (600-660), yielded a glorious improvement of Buddhist logic theories. As the principal inheritors, most Tibetan scholars declared that these two masters’ interpretations of Buddhist logic are theoretically identical. But the various versions of the translation of Dignāga’s and Dharmakīrti's works cannot but raise doubts about the aforementioned claim. One considerable doubt is that there are obviously different interpretations of the relation between the inferring property and the inferred property in their works of Buddhist logic. Therefore, this paper intends to have a comprehensive and comparative study of the evolution of the interpretations of the “relation” in Buddhist logic, and to find out what influence it has on the theory of Buddhist logic. The main issues that this paper will discuss include:
1. A brief review of implicative agreement of the relation between the proving property and the proved property in the Buddhism works before Dignāga. In this part, the works of three Buddhist scholars preceding Dignāga: Nāgārjuna, Asaṅga and Vasubandhu, will be focused on as the basic study materials. Although we can hardly work out a systematical explanation of the “relation” in their works, it is still possible for us to infer one from their implicative attitudes to this issue by analyzing the mass of their debating writings.
2. An analysis of Dignāga’s and his first disciples’ explanations of the relation. As a founder of Buddhist logic theory, Dignāga left us with five works, four of which are perfectly preserved in Tibetan and one in Chinese. Hereinto, his Pramānasamuccaya as well as its Vṛtti (in Tibetan translation) and Nyāyamukha (in Chinese translation) contain most discussions about the theories in Buddhist logic. We will find that though Dignāga was the very first to take note of the necessity of ensuring a pervasion proposition as to be a prerequisite for a valid proof or reason, he didn’t explain how such a pervasion proposition validly comes to be our standard knowledge. Furthermore, certain evidence from Nyāyamukha suggest that there remain some ambiguities in Dignāga’s logic theory concerning the interpretation of the “relation”. These ambiguities are manifest in his first disciples’ understanding of the same issue. Herein, two of his disciples are counted in: Iśvarasena and Xuan Zang (Chn:玄奘). In fact, there are up till now not any Iśvarasena’s works on Buddhist logic that are available to us. Only from Hetubindutīkā by Arcaṭa and Pramāṇaviniścayaṭīkā by Jñānaśrībhadra, have we found some accusations of the misunderstandings of Dignāga’s theory, pointing to Iśvarasena. Thereafter, some Tibetan scholars linked Iśvarasena to one debating opponent, who was assumed to be a main disciple of Dignāga, in Dharmakīrti's works. If this hypothesis is true, we can regain a rough picture of Iśvarasena’s description of the “relation” through the scattered debating in Dharmakīrti's works. And from that we might have a view of Buddhist logic during the time when Dignāga had passed away and yet Dharmakīrti had not come in the spotlight. Such proof doesn’t come singly but in pairs, because we have surprisingly found out the same so called “misinterpretation” of Dignāga both in Xuan Zang’s translation of Nyāyamukha and in his followers’ commentaries. We are expecting that all of the aforementioned evidence will help us to reveal an immature theory about the “relation” right before Dharmakīrti.
3. A fine study on Dharmakīrti’s interpretation of the “relation”. In order to defeat an academic retreat of Buddhist logic for over half a century after Dignāga, Dharmakīrti defended a pervasion proposition related to the inferring property and inferred property for the logical statement. Furthermore, he brought forward his famous theory of the identity relation and causal relation between the inferring property and inferred property. From the fifth to the fortieth verses in the first chapter of Pramāṇavārttika, Dharmakīrti explained extensively and deeply the definition of the “relation”, the two sub-branches of relation: the identity relation and the causal relation. He also solemnly denied any exception to these two sections of “relations” and any exceptional valid proof or reasons supported by the “relation”.
4. A critical discussion of the Tibetan commentaries of the “relation”. Buddhist logic took its original shape in India, and then achieved sophistication in Tibet. Tibetan preserved the Indian logic not only by translating it into their own language but also by doing many more intensive researches and providing detailed commentaries on it. Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa Kun-dGa’ rGyal-mTshan and rGyal-Tshab Dar-Ma Rin-Chen are definitely outstanding from a long list of Tibetan logicians. Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa is considered as a reformer of Indian Buddhist logic. He was a chief proofreader of the translation of Pramāṇavārttika. What’s more, in his remarkable works, Tshad-Ma Rigs-Pa’i-gTer, Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa adopted new approaches to the classification of the stages of perceptions, to determining the philosophical view associated with Buddhist logic and epistemology, and to decoding the profound meaning inside the Buddhist logic theory. Especially, in Tshad-Ma Rigs-Pa’i-gTer there is a full chapter that particularly offers us Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa’s unique understanding of the “relation”. However, Dar-Ma Rin-Chen acted much conservatively in interpreting Dharmakīrti’s works. He strictly followed the Indian tradition and meanwhile still kept his own opinion as to selecting a proper explanatory system amongst vast Indian commentaries of Buddhist logic. Moreover, he made detailed commentaries of nearly every one of Dignāga and Dharmakīrti’s leading works and also of Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa’s Tshad-Ma Rigs-Pa’i-gTer.
From Sa-sKya Paṇtiḍa and Dar-Ma Rin-Chen’s works, we will have a perfect view of the final achievement of Buddhist logic theory. However, we are still far from claiming that we have had a perfect Buddhist logic theory. As a matter of fact, most recent Tibetan logicians, who are supposedly living in the three Gelupa’s Buddhist monastic colleges -- Sera, Drepung and Ganden, admit that there are still many ambiguous issues requiring further deliberation in Buddhist logic. They are mostly not in the texts but in colloquial debates, e.g. the validity of a causal relation applying to the causal (hetu), the necessity of a sample in realization of the “relation”, and the concealed meaning of the limitation of classification of relation, etc.
In conclusion, this paper will be based on vast original Tibetan and Chinese materials of Buddhist logic to illustrate the three stages of the explanations of “relation” in the history of Buddhist logic, thereby, outlining the progress of Buddhist logic theory.
Bibliography:
[1] Phyogs Kyi Glong Po (Dignāga). Tshad Ma bTus Pa’i ‘Grel Pa. (=Pramāṇasamuccayavṛtti)
[2] Phyogs Kyi Glong Po (Dignāga). Tshad Ma’I bsTan bCos Rigs Pa La ‘Jug Pa Zhes Bya Ba. (The author of this book is now considered as Śaṃkarasvāmin by some academic members, even though he is made a record of Dignāga in the Tibetan scripture.)
[3] Phyogs Kyi Glong Po (Dignāga). gTan Tshigs Kyi ‘Khor Lo gTan La dBab Pa. (=Hetucakraḍamaru)
[4] Chos Kyi Grags Pa (Dharmakīrti). Tshad Ma rNam ‘Grel Gyi ‘Grel Pa. (=pramāṇavārttika-vṛtti)
[5] Chos Kyi Grags Pa (Dharmakīrti). Tshad Ma rNam Nges. (or: Tshad Ma rNam Par Nges Pa) (=pramāṇaviniścaya)
[6] Chos Kyi Grags Pa (Dharmakīrti). Rigs Pa’I Thigs Pa Zhes Bya Ba’I Rab Tu Byed Pa. (=nyāyabindu)
[7] Chos Kyi Grags Pa (Dharmakīrti). gTan Tshigs Kyi Thigs Pa Zhes Bya Pa’I Rab Tu Byed Pa. (=hetubindu)
[8] Chos Kyi Grags Pa (Dharmakīrti). ‘Brel Pa brTag Pa’I ‘Grel Pa. (=sambandhaparīkṣāvṛtti)
[9] rGyal Ba’I dBang Po’I Blo Gros (Jinendrabudhi). Yang Ba Dang Dri Ma Me Pa Dang lDang Pa Zhes Bya Ba Tshad Ma Kun Las bTus Pa’I ‘Grel bShad. (=Viśālāmalavatī Pramāṇasamuccaya-ṭīkā)
[10] Sh’aKya’I Blo (śākyabuddhi). Tshad Ma rNam ‘Grel Gyi bShad. (=pramāṇavārttika-tīkā)
[11] Ye Shes dPal bZang Po (Jñānaśrībhadra). Tshad Ma rNam Par Nges Pa’I ‘Grel bShad. (=Pramāṇavinścaya-ṭīkā)
[12] A Tsa Ta (Arcaṭa). gTan Tshigs Kyi Thigs Pa’I ‘Grel Pa. (=hetubinduvivaraṇa)
[12] Chos mChog (dharmottara). Rigs Pa'i Thigs Pa'i rGya Cher 'Grel Pa. (=nyāyabindu-tīkā)
[13] Dul Ba'i lHa (devendrabuddhi). Rigs Pa'i Thigs Pa'i rGya Cher 'Grel Pa. (=pramāṇavārttika-pañjikā)
[14] rGyal Tshab rJe. Tshad Ma rNam ‘Grel Gyi Tshig Le’ur Byas Pa’I rNam bShad Thar Lam Phyin Ci Ma Log Par gSal Bar Byed Pa.
[15] mGas Grub rJe. rGyal Pa’I bsTan bCos Tshad Ma rNam ‘Grel Gyi rGya Cher bShad Pa Rigs Pa’I rGya mTsho bZhugs So.
[16] dGe 'Dun Grub Pa. Tshad Ma'i bsTan bCos Rigs Pa'i rGyan Zhes Bya Ba bZhugs So.
[17] Nga dBang brTson 'Grus. Tshad Ma rNam 'Grel Gyi mTha' dPyod Thar Lam Rab gSal Tshad Ma'i 'od brGya 'Bar Ba Las Le'u Dang Po'i mTha' dPyod bLo gSal mGul rGan sKal bZang 'Jug Ngogs bZhugs So.
[18] Dignāga. Nyāyamukha. (Chn. 正理门论)
[19] Śaṃkarasvāmin. Nyāyapraveśa-śāstra. (Chn. 因明入正理论)
[20] Shen Tai (Chn. 神泰). A Commentary of Nyāyadvāraśāstr. (Chn. 正理门论述记)
[21] Kui Ji (窥基). A Commentary of Nyāyapraveśa-śāstra. (Chn. 因明入正理论疏)
[22] Wen Gui (文轨). A Commentary of Nyāyapraveśa-śāstra. (Chn. 因明入正理论疏)
[23] F. Th. Stcherbatsky. Buddhist Logic (Volume II) [M]. New York: Dover Publications Inc.
[24] John D. Dunne, Foundations of Dharmakiriti's Philosophy[M], Boston: Wisdom, 2004.
[25] Rajendra Prasad, Dharmakirti's Theory of Inference[M], New Delhi: Oxford, 2004.
[26] Lata S. Bapat, Buddhist Logic[M], New Delhi: Bharatiya Vidya Prakashan, 1989.
[27] Kalidas Bhattacharya, On the Concepts of Relation and Negation in Indian Philosophy[M], Calcutta: Sanskrit College, 1977.
[28] Kisor Kumar Chakrabarti, The Logic of Gotama[M], Hawaii: The University Press of Hawaii, 1978.
July 30 賣掉了台式電腦 剛來一人,來買我的那台台式電腦.開門見其人半首皓色,問:你住哪裡.
答:南區.
:老師?
:學生.本科生.看著有點老是吧?我長得老相.
:嗯.(我答完有點擔心會不會傷了人)
討價還價本來就我強項,何況我要的價錢本來就非常合理.幾下交鋒,一分錢也沒讓”對手”再掰下去.送走了人,回頭看那空掉的一角.情緒又上來了.
這台機是雅霖在我05年入學時替我挑的.那個同樣涼爽的下午,陽光明媚,讓人好想回頭再去走一趟.這機子裡曾經記錄了我這三年間所有的事,十二個季度,三套春夏秋冬,一個鍵一個鍵地敲進去,快樂與傷懷,追憶和忘記.這次回上海其中一個任務就是將那些上一次來不及備份的備份.這一備份,發現那麼多,如果它們能從hard disk裡站起來,又夠我點算半生.前天還是雅霖來把它重裝洗干淨.它現在是全新,灰塵都在我的囊中.
台式機代表著穩定,相對而言,laptop代表著,飄.
飄,未來一年將會是我至今人生中最飄的一年了.飄,去哪裡? July 24 冬瓜毛豆 plus 香菇
下午打完球洗澡.不用開燈,洗澡間一側的玻璃窗透著上海煩人的陽光.但因為它是從一側射來,且經過了過瀘,令我忍不住生起一種溫柔的感覺.這種感覺來自回憶中那個房間.同樣是房間中的一個洗澡間,為了采光,h將唯一可以向陽的部分墻壁改造了,她用玻璃方磚砌起那一部分.于是陽光就漏進來了.那陽光一點都不煩人,每次我洗澡時,還忍不住將臉貼上去,張望.什麼也不可能看見,但是,那可以更暖一點.那光太柔了,幾乎不能讓人看清自己的手臂上皮膚的紋理. 今早才醒就想起來,打電話去紐約給正在ot的h:生日快樂.她問我,回香港了嗎?我說,又回到上海了.她劈頭一句:上海那鳥地方你還沒走呀.我一下子從難過中樂醒了,說:是,還有點鳥事,完了馬上走. 起床後,摸摸額頭.昨晚的燒退下去了.其實昨天下午出門去喫晚飯時就已經感覺不對勁.喫到一半挺不住就告退.地鐵都沒坐,只在大街上一揮手,倒進一輛出租車裡,昏昏了一陣,中間打一通電話問z借藥,沒借到,只好中途找藥店,可又全關了門.回到宿舍裡,連忙去撕開打包在箱子裡的藥.西藥沒找著,只找到前陣子z送的板藍根,一骨腦吞下兩包. 昨晚喫飯間,g又送來了Cheese Cake.早上擺在桌上,除了回憶中的享受,實在沒有食欲.因為沒有別的可作早點,硬喫了四分之一.沒多久額上的溫度又發動回昇.連忙又去嗑藥. 因為已經沒有食堂飯可喫,下午只好去逛菜場,自力更生.頭重腳輕地走著,菜販們舉手招呼:噫,今天又買點什麼?啊,好熟悉的調調,我曾經和他們雀躍交流,為了準備一頓頓晚飯.可現在不一樣了,做飯,是一種有心情的活,穩定的,活躍的心情. 我只買了冬瓜,毛豆.回來搜出s以前寄來的日本花菇.于是今晚佐飯的就是冬瓜毛豆香菇湯. July 23 how hot is it一隻襪子
厚的 羽毛球襪
晾衣時漏了
跌落地上
它就那樣子
平躺一晚,干了
另一隻被疏忽的
孤單單懸在陽台上
幾乎同樣的姿態
同樣干了
只要基本條件足夠
沒有什麼形式是必然的
同樣,是快樂
有心就足夠
其實不一定是誰
不一定是什麼
不一定幾時幾分
不一定 是你
我明天試試
把洗好的全丟在椅子上
好讓它們親愛糾纏
同溫同干. July 16 FontaineFontaine Ip.我曾多次提到這個老師,朋友,大姐. Fontaine是我九二年在香港讀夜校的英文老師.課上到一半,她的兒子在她的腹中便嶄露頭角.因此她沒有把我們的課講完.送她走時,一幫同學聚餐惜別.十多年過去,當時喫飯的,只剩下我們兩個. 之所以我們還剩下來,我以為多半是因為我主動聯絡的結果,當然,我只主動聯絡她,也是因為她有一種特別的性情,很讓我親近的緣故. 她是我回香港時,其中一個必想要見一見的人.雖然並不是每次都有時間見得到,譬如上次一別至今,我們已經一年多兩年沒見了,中間也曾有事回港,但總是匆匆忙忙,也沒有見上. 即使見不到,回港我也必會主動打個電話.她每次都像是個大姐,甚至媽媽.問的都是健康家常事,反復叮嚀.見面都會說我太瘦,問我的胃,問我的睡眠,問我的精神狀態.當然,每次見面都問我想喫什麼,都叮囑我不要搶埋單。 如果說她像大姐或媽媽,卻又總覺得有點不一樣.對了,是她的性格.她懶洋洋的性格和態度.她說:嗨,不用管的吧,都大人了,總有你自己的路.她懶得從來不和我聯係.即使明知我人到香港了,她也不會主動打電話給我.除非約好了,她會提前來電話提醒我約會.她總是隨我什麼時候有空就找她.沒空就電話也可以.放她鴿子,她也會說,你忙,沒法子的.一切都可有可無.她叮囑我的時候認真肯切,甚至乎有命令的語氣,但她從來不檢查結果.見到我一直都是那樣瘦,每次只是同樣的勸,敦促,注意飲食或去再做個檢查.然後就隨我去了.就好似,我不是她的什麼,幾乎可以是個初相識的. 嗯,這就對了.她似乎從來不當我是她的什麼.但只要我一接近她,她就開以詢問,聆聽,叮囑.直至分手,忽然就靜止了,完成了.沒有追蹤,沒有隨伴. 我想,大乘的菩薩要鍛煉的或者就是這樣的品格.當現證無我之後,一切迫切的佔有欲已被滌除無餘,但卻能保存了隨應關懷的悲心和方便.這樣的教法,確實有點匪夷所思.難怪大乘經典上說,菩提心的教法會讓世人甚至小乘聖人崩潰的.沒有佔有欲的利他,確實不是凡人及一般聖人敢於想象的品格. 剛才分手.Fontaine一直送我.說是去坐回頭車,專門陪我坐了一站地.分手時站在我的車門前揮手.一直到我的車開動,一直到我看到她眼眶突然紅潤,一直到我看到她半鬢花白。 roommate I got a company to share a small bedchamber that I had for the past ten days this morning. The stranger looks a very nice tibetan old man, but terribly he maks snore. People say, if you can bear one's snore, you make snore too or, you are being in love with the one. I don't make snore. Obviously, he is not my type. July 15 to add something new 在Smallville season 7中惊見李綺虹.九四年初亮銀屏的女孩.英文腔底的廣東話和活麗明一起成為城市熱話.後來這小姑娘幾多變遷.放棄了在香港即將如日中天的銀旅,轉向平淡生活.可終于,又亮出銀屏.又退.這次居然在熱播美劇中作一個鏡頭的無名甘草.世事面目,豈人所料.
九四年.我在香港感情事業全在高峰期,而且正和佛教蜜運酣濃.當時完全不會料到之後不久的一個興致之舉,使我轉折成今日.
無常無憑,總想安心,於情於事,誰看有堅實之方岸.看朋友博客,見寫得一片激昂熱烈,仿佛世出世間,黑白光明.但看其中措辭,隱隱是當年自己模樣.想起小李飛刀最後一幕:小李和阿飛都要從江湖退隱了.正好幾個年青的劍客,正準備踏上他們走過的腳印.
回頭想去告訴些什麼,牽一牽你的手.但又一想,那是你的道路,即使真的是我的翻版,也是你的道路.畢竟要等你走到我這個位置的時候才會有你的見地.到時你和我一樣?不一樣?不重要了.我也要向前走了,我有我此刻要關心的事,要看看我自己明天要去哪裡.
無意看了呂王的情事.又輕嘆一聲.過去了,回頭看,真不知道人們所經營的,是不是他們需要的.而他們需要的是那樣脆弱,他們希望,卻又都不敢接近接受.
第二集,Lana于出現了.居然在美國想像出來的上海(2008的外境 plus 1920的室內裝修)出現.老了.心想起,去download了season 1等過兩天重看.
season 7來了位表妹.嘿,黔驢又嗚.現實中想要繼續,to add something new.這是在銀屏前的老客們不得不接受的悲哀,一種無法停止的來自自身無奈的悲哀. July 14 翻譯練習在翅膀的博客上看到一篇東東.她說有空譯給大家看.等她有空還不如煮一頓我喫呢.反正在這陣子翻譯成習慣.順手拿來做個練習.老師們看了請拿刀子斧砍殺.別客氣.
I recently saw an old friend for the first time in many years. We had been Ph.D. students at the same time, both studying science, although in different areas. She later dropped out of graduate school, went to Harvard Law School and is now a senior lawyer for a major environmental organization. At some point, the conversation turned to why she had left graduate school. To my utter astonishment, she said it was because it made her feel stupid. After a couple of years of feeling stupid every day, she was ready to do something else. 我最近见到一位多年没见的老朋友。我们曾经在一起攻读PhD。虽然彼此学科不同,但都是研究科学的。她后来放弃了研究院的学习,转而到哈佛法学院。现在她在一所很重要的环境组织里任资深律师。我们交谈的话题渐渐地落到了她当初为什么会放弃研究院上。她回答使我怵然惊愕──她说,研究院让她自觉很笨。她甚至在数年间每天都经受着这样自卑的折磨,之后,她终于选择去干点别的。 I had thought of her as one of the brightest people I knew and her subsequent career supports that view. What she said bothered me. I kept thinking about it; sometime the next day, it hit me. Science makes me feel stupid too. It's just that I've gotten used to it. So used to it, in fact, that I actively seek out new opportunities to feel stupid. I wouldn't know what to do without that feeling. I even think it's supposed to be this way. 我曾将她当作我所认识的人中最聪明伶俐的一个。她后来的事业成就其实也佐证了这一点。这使我无法理解她对我说出那样的一番话。之后我曾一直在思考这件事,直到第二天,一时间我顿然开窍。科学,也使我自觉很笨。然而,那只是我已经习惯其中而已。习惯其中,事实上,是我在主动找寻机会去领受笨。我甚至不知道如果失去这种感觉将何以自恃。我甚至想,那本来就应该是那样的。 让我解释一下。 For almost all of us, one of the reasons that we liked science in high school and college is that we were good at it. That can't be the only reason – fascination with understanding the physical world and an emotional need to discover new things has to enter into it too. But high-school and college science means taking courses, and doing well in courses means getting the right answers on tests. If you know those answers, you do well and get to feel smart. 当我们在读高中和大学的时候,绝大多数人之所以喜欢科学是因为我们擅长此道。这不可能是唯一的理由,也可能是因为沉迷于对物质世界的了解,以及一种对新知识渴求的情绪促使我们对科学趋求越深。然而,在高中和大学中,科学意味的是选取科目,而在学科中的成绩表现就意味着答对试卷。只要你掌握了那些答案,你就成功了并自感聪绝。 A Ph.D., in which you have to do a research project, is a whole different thing. For me, it was a daunting task. How could I possibly frame the questions that would lead to significant discoveries; design and interpret an experiment so that the conclusions were absolutely convincing; foresee difficulties and see ways around them, or, failing that, solve them when they occurred? My Ph.D. project was somewhat interdisciplinary and, for a while, whenever I ran into a problem, I pestered the faculty in my department who were experts in the various disciplines that I needed. I remember the day when Henry Taube (who won the Nobel Prize two years later) 这种情形在一个需要你做研究企划的PhD学生身上是完全迥异的一件事。以我为例,那时候科学对我来说简直是一件令人畏缩的苦差。我要如何架构议题,才能引出重大的发现?要如何设计和解释实验,才能得到一个具有绝对说服性的结果?要如何预测并规避困难?或者,当意料之外的困难出现时,如何当机立断。我的博士研究企划是有点跨学科的。有段时间里,每当我深陷困境的时候,我会去缠着我们系的老师们,他们都是能从许多方面给予我适值所需的指导的专家。我还记得那天,当Henry Taoube(两年后他获得了诺贝尔奖)告诉我,对于我在他所从事的领域碰上的难题,他也不知道如何解决。我那时只是一个三年级研究生。据保守估计,Taube当时比我所了解要多一千倍。如果连他都不能回答,那就无人可问了。 That's when it hit me: nobody did. That's why it was a research problem. And being my research problem, it was up to me to solve. Once I faced that fact, I solved the problem in a couple of days. (It wasn't really very hard; I just had to try a few things.) The crucial lesson was that the scope of things I didn't know wasn't merely vast; it was, for all practical purposes, infinite. That realization, instead of being discouraging, was liberating. If our ignorance is infinite, the only possible course of action is to muddle through as best we can. 那就是我顿然开窍的时刻,无人可问。那也是为什么它是一个研究困难。而作为我的研究困难,即我堪当去解决者。一但我面对这样的事实,我只用了数天就解决了那个问题。(其实它原来也不真的那么难,我也只是作了几种尝试就解决了。这里有一个很关键的启示,那就是那个我所未知的领域与其说很大,毋宁说是无穷的。认清这一点并不让人气馁,反而令人解脱。如果,我们的无知是无止境的,那我们在事情的过程中可以做的仅仅是尽力而为、不计结果了。 I'd like to suggest that our Ph.D. programs often do students a disservice in two ways. First, I don't think students are made to understand how hard it is to do research. And how very, very hard it is to do important research. It's a lot harder than taking even very demanding courses. What makes it difficult is that research is immersion in the unknown. We just makes it difficult is that research is immersion in the unknown. We just don't know what we're doing. We can't be sure whether we're asking the right question or doing the right experiment until we get the answer or the result. Admittedly, science is made harder by competition for grants and space in top journals. But apart from all of that, doing significant research is intrinsically hard and changing departmental, institutional or national policies will not succeed in lessening its intrinsic difficulty. 我认为我们的博士课程总是会从两个方面令学生们感到挫折。首先,我认为学生们并没有被告知去做一项研究有多难;甚至,被告知去做一项重要的研究有多么多么的困难。那甚至比要上那些要求苛刻的课程都要困难很多很多。它之所以那样的困难是因为研究总是困囿在未知之中;而我们使之困扰也是因为研究总是困囿在未知之中。我们就是不清楚自己正在做的是什么。总是在得到答案和结果之前,我们都无法确知我们是不是问对了问题或做对了实验。诚然,在寻求资助和在顶尖的学述期刊上发表论文上的竞争使科学变得更困难。而除了这些之外,要做一项有意义的研究本身就是困难的;在院系乃至国家框架内不断调整的政策也未能减轻其固有的困难。 Second, we don't do a good enough job of teaching our students how to be productively stupid – that is, if we don't feel stupid it means we're not eally trying. I'm not talking about `relative stupidity', in which the other students in the class actually read the material, think about it and ace the exam, whereas you don't. I'm also not talking about bright people who might be working in areas that don't match their talents. Science involves confronting our `absolute stupidity'. That kind of stupidity is an existential fact, inherent in our efforts to push our way into the unknown. Preliminary and thesis exams have the right idea when the faculty committee pushes until the student starts getting the answers wrong or gives up and says, `I don't know'. The point of the exam isn't to see if the student gets all the answers right. If they do, it's the faculty who failed the exam. The point is to identify the student's weaknesses, partly to see where they need to invest some effort and partly to see whether the student's knowledge fails at a sufficiently high level that they are ready to take on a research project. 其次,我们并没有很好地教育我们的学生如何去笨而不僵。也就是说,如果我们还没自觉笨,那么就意味着我们就还没真的在努力。我这里谈的不是所谓的“相对笨”──那种只有那些在课堂上努力阅读资料,认真思考,在考试中拿个优等的人才会而你不会的“笨”。我这里所谈的,也不是关于某些聪人可能正好在不适合他们发挥才能的位置上工作。科学要求我们去面对自己“纯粹的笨”。那种笨是一种存在的事实,是一种内在固有的,它在于我们的努力推动我们进入无知。当指导教师小组一直逼问到那个学生开始回答“我不知道”的时候,初审和论文评议才有了正确的意义。评议的目的可不是为了要看一看到底学生是否把题目都答对了。如果他们真的都答对了的话,那就是老师不及格了。实质上,评议的目的是为了找出学生的不足之处,并且看看在哪些方面他们需要投入一些努力,又或者,看看在哪些方面,该学生是没有足够的水平去应付他准备去承担的任务。 Productive stupidity means being ignorant by choice. Focusing on important questions puts us in the awkward position of being ignorant. One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time. No doubt, this can be difficult for students who are accustomed to getting the answers right. No doubt, reasonable levels of confidence and emotional resilience help, but I think scientific education might do more to ease what is a very big transition: from learning what other people once discovered to making your own discoveries. The more comfortable we become with being stupid, the deeper we will wade into the unknown and the more likely we are to make big discoveries. “笨而不僵”意味着主动选择无知。关注重要问题的做法使我困于变成无知的情况中。科学的美妙之一就是它允许我们在其中拙足踞步、错误反复,而每当学到一些新东西时,我们又觉终有所值。这也无疑会使那些惯于得到正确答案的学生深感困厄。毫无疑问,合理的信心和情绪调节是会对上述困难有帮助的,而我认为,对于那些正在从“学习别人曾经发现的知识”转变为“寻找自己的发现”的学生,在他们这个转型时期,科学教育可以为减轻他们的困难提供更多的帮助。在成为“笨”中我们越感惬意,我们就能意气风发对进入越深的未知领域,我们也越有机会发现重要的新知。
ps. 若人求知,求愛亦同,都是一件難事.只是放棄求知的容易.求愛,對某些人,一生成癮.出離心有多種教授.只是,我們不願意,也捨不得修.總想著過去未來那些歡樂,卻苦了,今朝今夜. 過去了 或許事實並非如此.但人總是自作多情地覺得某些日特有意,某些決定特別轉折.
JX 今天說:我们都在很认真的过每一天,过生活。有时候真想试一下“天掉下来当被盖”的滋味。可惜不敢,性格决定我们的人生.
可惜這次錯過了,不能去她家裡小住. July 13 沒良心的早上打電話回去。 爸:喂 我:喂,你好。媽在不? 爸:她上街買菜了。 我:哦。 爸:有事? 我:沒事,打個電話來說聲謝謝。 爸:嗯?為什麼? 我(已經郁悶到瘋了):今天我生日! 爸:哦!我都給忘了。哈!對不起,不知道你媽有沒有忘了。 我(冏……):謝謝你們啊。把我整出來,又把我忘了。你們真會整哦。 爸:哈~~~ 生日 生日.一種輪迴的重生.
今天,正好應景.重生,To take off, hedgeghog. July 11 算是好消息麼? 鏡子告訴我,體重漸漸回到正常水平.應該也不可能再胖了.看著旁邊在作國語翻譯的同樣叫仁青的圓圓下墮的肚腩,有一點點羡慕.
膚色在迅速反白.可能是sophia買來的護膚品的功效?當然不是.應該是不見天日的結果.細v問我,中午喫飯到樓下去走走吧.我:啊?我都是叫送外賣的.細v:你,不用懶成那樣子吧.我:反正都一樣,我一個人傻傻地坐在一群不認識的人中間喫,何必.于是,回香港後,別說下雨天太陽見不到.我連陽光都沒怎麼見到.現在唯一晒我皮膚的就是燈光和電腦屏的光.好晒唷,好晒唷!
還有一些好消息.等成功了再說. July 10 洗刷以前旅行都帶著所有自己的日用品,幾乎包括自己的床單和睡袋.這兩年變了,到哪用哪的. 朋友給買來的是Neutrogena的Invigorating Hair & Boday Wash (Men)單看名字就贊.我一直想 | |||